Tuesday, May 6, 2008

The Stress of Indecision

"How shall you be fed without the friendship and goodwill of the lands about you?"

I've been paralyzed for awhile now, trying to decide which exercise plan to choose.

First it was a debate between walking (Does it really have an effect? Will it be boring?), running (Is it bad for my joints? Is it trying too much too soon?) and yoga (Can I force myself to actually go to class? Is it too expensive?).

Exercising with others didn't seem to be an option. Being active doesn't come naturally to me, and I end up feeling inadequate and stupid and wanting to quit.

So I decided simply to start with walking by myself. This seemed to simplify matters, and I set out to do it. But you can't feel the difference walking like you can with running and yoga, and that can be demoralizing. Also, it took so much time, since I was always focussed on a destination, most of which are far away.

My walking lasted a week or two, and now it's fallen by the wayside. If I walked, I suddenly didn't have time or energy to clean my apartment or do much of anything besides collapse.

I just can't decide what to do.

Thinking fast wasn't Bilbo's strong suit, either. Normally, the dwarves or Gandalf decided his direction (Do I need a dwarf to point me the right way? I can just imagine Gandalf accompanying me to yoga.). But when it was up to Bilbo, he took a long time thinking the decision over. Often, this thoughtfulness worked to his advantage.

So I continue to contemplate. One solution is to try running in the morning, instead of hanging out at Starbucks. Another seems to be giving exercising with a friend one more shot, as I now have a friend who wants to go on regular walks. Maybe I need the "friendship and goodwill" of the people around me. Maybe accountability will help.

Maybe, as it seems in all things, I need to find a balance. This could mean taking away the pressure of doing something every day. Or it could mean walking with a friend a couple days a week and running alone a couple days.

As in everything, I'm still trying to figure it out.

Monday, May 5, 2008

A Bump in the Road

"Go back?" he thought. "No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!"

I haven't been following my diet at all, really. The weekends, or any unstructured time, are especially difficult, and I didn't even start off with resolve, which is a recipe for disaster. Or at least a recipe for Cheese Danishes.

I'm usually such a stalwart pilgrim when it comes to any project I take on, from studying to dieting to screenprinting cards. Not so with the Hobbit Diet. I've been so shaky about it. One week I do all the walking. One week I drink all the water and eat the proper meals at the proper mealtimes. I just can't seem to put it all together.

Normally, I would've given up by now. Maybe it's a great sign that I haven't. After all, I can't sustain "all or nothing" forever. The point of The Hobbit Diet is to bring balance, and maybe what I see as wavering is actually the perfect start.

My heels are on and my lunch is packed, but I think I'm going to stay home from work today. I had a difficult weekend, between being sick and emotionally freaking out and hearing that my dad lost his job. There's nothing pressing at work, and I think it will be much more healing for me to stay home.

Maybe I'll keep wobbling for awhile before I gain sure footing. Maybe this is my last great rest, like Bilbo's stop at The Last Homely House. I don't know which.

I'm scared, and tired, and I just want to crawl up at home and have some lovely cakes and forget about adventures. But I'm not going to do that, and I'm the tiniest bit excited to see where this journey takes me.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Home Sweet Hobbit Hole

Hobbit Holes are all about comfort, safety, and security. And food. Lots of food.

My intention was to come home and make stir fry. But, just as Bilbo's plans were interrupted by treasure burglary and dragon hunting, my plans were derailed as well. By a jar of icing.

That's right, cake frosting. No food seems so delicious as it does when you're on a diet. I've looked at this same jar of frosting for days without temptation. Suddenly, I had to have it.

It's like when the elves created that enchanted feast in the middle of the forest. This was my enchanted jar of frosting. I knew I should resist. I knew, as soon as I stepped into the enchanted circle, the lights would go off and I would be lost in the forest.

I put up a fight. I switched stir fry to eggs, since I like them more and I thought the protein might be more satiating. I brewed a cup of orange mint tea, hoping that might be sweet enough.

No dice. I finished my eggs and still wanted icing. I gave in to a spoonful of sugar and hydrogenated oil. Then I had a bagel and butter, too. Just for kicks.

But I'm not so sure I'm lost in the forest. A little off track, sure. But I didn't splurge more that night, even though it would've been easy. And I'm back at Starbucks this morning, enjoying a large water and my oatmeal. My lunch is packed. My day is set. At least until I go home.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

The Journey Begins

"That's how they all came to start, jogging off from the inn one fine morning just before May ..."

Bilbo's journey begins and ends in May, and I've been scrambling the past couple days to try and follow in his footsteps. I'm only just barely prepared, and I haven't grasped what I'm getting myself into. I feel like the poor hobbit when Gandolf drags him out of his house without even a coat or his pocket handkerchiefs.

It wasn't long before Bilbo got what he needed, even though his cloak was too large and a little comical. At least they got the pocket handkerchiefs right. I'm trusting these things will fall into place for me, too.

Venti Water
Oatmeal with Walnuts
Double Short Two Raw Sugar Americano

Second Breakfast:
Mixed Nuts with Yogurt Raisins


Tomato Soup
Mini Bagel
Carrots and Snow Peas Hummus

Chai Tea

2 Eggs with Mushrooms
Bagel with Butter
Some Frosting

Iced Latte

Sunday, April 27, 2008

The Book List

And here is a list of books I'd like to review for this project ...

Omnivore's Dilemma
In Defense of Food
Fast Food Nation
Animal, Vegetable, Miracle
Fat Land
Food Fight
(Community Eating)
Ultimate Weight Loss Solution
Skinny Bitch